Well, I've been absent from my blog for quite a while now. I feel like I need a port-a-blog, because I always want to blog so badly when I have nothing to write with, and then when I'm around my computer I have nothing to write about. Which doesn't help things at all.
Anyway, this summer has been quite.. interesting so far. Part of me feels like it's practically over, the other part feels like it began yesterday. At the beginning of this summer I was pretty stressed. To say the least. I was actually probably more stressed than I was during this past semester. If you know what that semester was like, you should know that this is not good, at all. Running through my mind constantly: I have no job. I have no money. I am supposed to be going to Italy at the end of this summer. What do I need? Money. How? A job. Do I have all the paperwork set? No. Do I know Italian? No. I missed New York and the people there. I missed knowing what to expect, generally. I felt over my head, out of touch with everyone, and even out of touch with God. And all of this was eating me alive.
However, God had some other things in mind. Part of the awesome part about being back home is church. Hope has been my home for so long, and still feels like it even when I'm gone for most of the year. It's like an awesome family that I get to just be with and worship with on Sundays, and fellowship with during the week if I'm lucky :) Of course, there are a TON of new family members that I have not met yet, and many, many babies. ha. Anyway, one of the things I love about Hope are Communion Sundays - the first Sunday of every month. Now, communion is awesome all by itself, definitely. But when Hope has the prayer team praying over each person as part of that, it makes it hit home a lot stronger. I'll be the first to admit, I do not enjoy telling people about the crap in my life, especially if that is the lovely first impression I'm giving them. Some Sundays, I would really really rather just take the bread and the cup and go sit in my seat and deal with it all by myself. I don't think God's a fan of that so much. Being alone with Him is some great quality time, but coming before others in the Body and just sharing life is also part of His plan. And it blows me away every time. Pretty much every communion Sunday I cry. I really don't enjoy it, but I usually do nonetheless. Why? Because God absolutely blows me away those Sundays, in a really personal way. When I go up to someone to be prayed for after taking communion, I may or may not explain everything that is on my heart. Actually, I usually don't. (My heart is kind of messed up and worried about a lot of things to just go through the laundry list of items for a quick prayer) No matter what information I give the person, no matter how little they may know me, they always pray for exactly what is on my heart, what I truly need to hear. Is that the person being a remarkably brilliant guesser? Nope. I'm definitely sure that's God working. And every time it blows me away.
So, particularly this past communion Sunday, I was blown away in an extra special way. At that point in the summer, I was exhausted and overwhelmed to my capacity. I didn't feel like getting prayed for. But I did anyway. I simple said that I was supposed to be studying abroad in Italy this fall, I had no money, no job, and no Christians on the trip for me. I don't remember his name, but he prayed for exactly what I needed. He prayed that (paraphrasing) the money would come pouring in that week, that I would be given a job, that I would be able to connect with Christians in Italy, but also be of use to God and serve while I'm there. I did believe with all my heart that God could do these things. I just didn't feel like He would want to do something like that for me right now. I didn't feel like I deserved it, or was seeking him fervently enough, or loved him enough.
Guess what. God still works despite those things. That's why He's so unbelievably awesome. That's the part that blows me away. He chose to answer that prayer, and still is. On the Monday or Tuesday of that same week, I talked to my grandma asking her if she had frequent flyer miles to spare, which she had none. However, she did have some cabinets that needed refinishing. I would have done them for free, of course - they're for my grandparents! But instead I was given a "job" with the ability to have some money toward my trip in return. Definitely a God thing. Next up? the infamous elusive job. Now, I was hoping to find an architecture internship this summer. That would have been fantastic. I'm studying architecture, I plan on doing architecture for a while, having an actual internship would be realllly helpful. But there aren't many available in the country anymore, much less in Minnesota. Unless you are a grad student. Or better yet, a licensed architect. Even then, you're extremely lucky to have a job.. and keep it. So, architecture job was doubtful. Nannying? I applied for every job I could find. Other odds and ends? Yep.
But a week or so after my cabinet "job" started, an old connection from last summer came in to play. A friend from church had "trained me in" as a location scout the previous summer, and now needed some assistance. So I get the crazy (awesome) job of driving around the state looking for places to shoot commercials. AMAZING. Just to have a job would be amazing. To have a job that's actually really enjoyable? Well, that's God amazing. The way he works things out is... unbelievable. So I figured that was just about it, right? I was gaining some money toward my trip, finding some work. Super. I'm pretty content, at least infinitely more so that I was.
Remember how I needed to find some fellowship over there? Well, just so happens that there is a Christian ministry there, which has people in both Torino and Rome, both of the places where I will spend the majority of my time. Also, on the stateside, it just so happens that my mom has a cousin who lived in Italy for a while, and now owns a gelato shop near Phoenix, Arizona. Guess what! I'll be learning how to make gelato, practicing some Italian, helping out with what I can, and staying in Arizona for a couple of weeks! The crazy stuff God has up his sleeves.... I just don't believe it. It's crazy. and amazing. SO amazing.
So yes, this month of June has been pretty amazing. God grabbed ahold of me in a big way, loved me when I really didn't feel like loving him back, pursued me when I shrugged him off, and gave me so much more than I could have dreamed for myself. Even if things weren't going this much better, I would still be learning to trust him. God really lavished his love on me this past month. I totally didn't deserve it in the slightest. I still don't understand why he did it. But he did, and I am so thankful and blessed. My socks have been blown clear off.
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