It's been a really long time since I've blogged. And if anyone actually keeps up with this, I apologize. However, my life has been a bit busy lately. I'm sure it is not any busier than anyone else's, but it has not allowed time for writing, or rather, I have not made it any sort of priority. But things have calmed down slightly, now that my sister's grad party has ended, things are cleaned, the kitchen is done (and gorgeous!), and people are less stressed and back to normal. Now it's just summer, and frankly, it's been strange the last few days.
Strange in that I don't have a whole lot to do. I do have things on my various lists, but they are things that wouldn't even make it on my most extended lists while at school. Things like volunteering at the elementary school today, or sewing, or getting coffee with friends, or taking a nap, walking the dog, or even creating something tasty in the kitchen. Yet, though I love these things, I've realized I've had a hard time enjoying them. I don't have a job for this summer, and it is starting to worry me. I should not be worried, I know, but it would definitely be putting my mind at ease to put my hands to work, use the education I've been spending ridiculous amounts of money to have, and earn some money to pay for said education. I'm from the Midwest. We were made to work. Things do not feel right if there is nothing to do.
But today, even though I was feeling a little stressed about the lack of a job, I was surprised by the various little things that just made me purely happy. And then I thought back to the past week or two, and all of the various people and things and moments that gave me genuine joy. And to my surprise, there were so many. So to make my night a bit brighter (I've been a bit sick) and to share it with you, I'll share.
... Last week I got to have coffee with my best friend in the whole world, and we sat in Caribou and did work and job-searching and made fun of each other and giggled. It was a time when I could just be. I could always be exactly myself around Amy. Nothing more and nothing less than my whole self. That is a beautiful thing.
... Yesterday I was ''stranded'' at my house after my sister took the car to Wisconsin for the day. And it was 105° ... so I didn't exactly want to bike anywhere where it would be less-acceptable to show up sweaty and gross. So I stayed home for the morning, cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, did laundry, and started a sewing project. And while that doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun, it was incredibly relaxing. I had forgotten the wonderful sight of seeing a whole kitchen counter wiped clean and smooth with nothing cluttering it. And when my dad has the dark grey mirror behind, well, it looks like the counter goes on forever. ...which would typically make me want to cook, but it was 105°, so that obviously wasn't happening. I also forgot the wonderful smell of our laundry detergent. and how I actually enjoy folding laundry when there is no rush, and I can make nice neat stacks of delicious-smelling clothes. And then I sewed. I had forgotten the wonderful challenge of figuring out a pattern, of pressing the fabric and the amusement of fusible interfacing. I had forgotten that silly feeling of pride I get when I can thread an old sewing machine myself. I had forgotten the wonderful sound of the presser foot slamming down, and the needle smoothly and rapidly making its way down the fabric, creating a perfect seam. And the best part, was while doing this I was watching North by Northwest, which is probably one of my favorite movies of all time. It's just brilliant. I mean,. there is no other movie with sophistication of plot, amazing actors, three locations with amazing sets, costumes that are just right, and the filmography is just.... perfect. No one captures emotion and anticipation within a simple camera angle than Alfred Hitchcock. I had forgotten how amazing the movie was, and how simply happy it made me to watch it. And it's not even a pick-me-up movie. It's just something I truly enjoy.
... Today I had the pleasure of visiting my first grade teacher again, Mrs. Burba, and helping her out. We were packing her classroom up because they are going to replace all of the floors this summer. I think she was happy for the help. And I was very glad to do it. Sometimes there is simple pleasure in just doing things. And I suppose it is that Midwest work ethic also. But it was great to be there with her kids, and to be around their simple humor and life-view for a while. Since we were packing everything, we had a few things we were going to get rid of, so Mrs. Burba decided to give them away, and draw names of kids to come and pick out books and supplies and random odds and ends. And the kids were ecstatic. They each received over 5 books, to which one girl replied enthusiastically, ''I'm rich with books!!!!'' Hilarious. And I've never seen kids quite so excited about pencils, or writing paper, or number counters. It was great to see. And then we found fake money they didn't need in the class anymore. WHOA. The kids were jumping up and down, yelling ''We're rich! We're rich!!'' Way too excited to receive paper, but hey, it was great. It was so great to see how they drink up life.
...Today I also had the pleasure of chilling with my sister for a little bit, and we watched Matilda. Like North by Northwest, though a completely different movie, it is one of my favorites of all time. It's simple, and well-written, well-set, well-acted, and a beautiful interplay of drama and pick-me-up and excitement and humor. Not to mention Matilda's surprisingly strong resemblance to my younger sister when she was the same age. I love that movie. I will watch it again and again. I will cherish it with my kids one day (though we will also read the book).. and Matilda will also be one of my heroes. She's just awesome.
... This is getting long, which is definitely not a bad thing. It's amazing how easy it is to get distracted or down by life. Yet there are so many things for which to be thankful. Honestly, my life is ridiculously blessed. When I actually slow down to look at life and all of the simple things, it is then that I experience God's love the most. It is true he is not just in the wind and the storm, but in the quiet, in the giggles of first-graders, in the bittersweet taste of a good cup of coffee with friends, and in the simplicity of folding laundry.
Showing posts with label Joy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joy. Show all posts
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Friday, December 10, 2010
_beginning of the end of the beginning_
It's December. Yes, December. No matter how many times I say it, I don't think I believe it. It's December, and I will be leaving the beautiful country of Italy in a little less than one month. It's December, and as of today, I have been in Italy 144 days. That is approximately 3 months and 22 days. It feels entirely longer and shorter than that. Just a couple months ago, I left in tears for a plane departing for another continent, and specifically the city of Dublin, Ireland, to get my feet wet before I was submerged in metropolis of Rome. Just as of September, I was discovering Torino for the first time, and meeting the Italian students. And just as of October, I returned to the crazy city of Rome, filled with its tourists, ruins, and something similar to the magic of Disney.
Italy was not quite what I expected. For that matter, I have no idea what I expected. But I think just the idea of studying abroad, living abroad, and Italy itself was a bit of a different mixture than I found it to be. Not bad, just different. It's very different living in an entirely foreign country but being only with people from your country, and specifically your school.. and specifically your class. It is an entirely different thing to be within a school of students from the foreign country. That is perhaps the biggest difference. It is also different to live near a large city, live in a smaller city just outside of a large metropolis, live in a large city, and live directly within a large metropolis. By this I refer to suburban Minneapolis, MN; Troy, NY; Torino, IT; Rome, IT. I have all these places as a home at one point or another. It is different to live in the Midwestern vs. Northeastern US, as it is different to live in the North vs. Center of Italy. People are different. Weather is different. Food is different.
And within these differences is the struggle and the adventure and the beauty. I have found I love that more than anything. I love discovering it all. But that is not without its difficulty. You see, discovering usually involves leaving one place for another. And when you leave a place you also leave people. Perhaps the last days here have made me miss my best friends and family back home more than ever. People who know me, who know my heart and understand the quirks and experiences that deeply influence me.
But to say all this and not include the only thing that is constant in my currently very transitional life, is to miss the entire point of my life. And that, to say in Sunday-school terms, is Jesus. Yes, Jesus. I know it sounds boring because it is supposed to be the answer, but through all of this I have found that it really is the case. And when you get into all of it, boring is the last word to describe it. God has me clinging for dear life on the roller-coaster of a crazy beautiful adventure of a life.
Today I watched 'Eat. Pray. Love' It was really good. Of course, it's a total chick flick, but past that, it's good. For one, it was pretty exciting to see the parts in Italy that they filmed. Probably because they are about 100 meters away from where I am currently sitting at school. Not that I'm a total movie fanatic and will now go try to trace every step of Julia Roberts and take pictures of every restaurant and stone bench, but since my job this summer and since being a little more involved in photography, I find it really interesting to see how they portray different places. And a side note: Piazza Navona is almost never that empty unless it is 7:00 am. And I have most certainly not seen multiple nuns eating gelato on the bench in front of Bernini's fountain. But it sure would be awesome if it was the case! ...And Roman bars are hectic, but do not resemble elegant mosh pits. ...and I am a bit jealous of Julia Robert's Rome, which seems to be devoid of tourists, even in exceptional weather. And, I am probably the most envious of the fact that she picked up decent Italian in the matter of 20 minutes of the movie. ...but it's a movie.
The entire movie was about her finding herself. I totally understand that. I feel like that's always a huge issue. But it made me kind of sad, for the reason that it would be really empty to search for myself without actually looking to the one that knows me better than I could even know myself. You would think the one who created me would probably have me figured out. So, unlike Liz in the movie, I truly have Someone with all the answers. I don't have to search multiple continents and countless countries to find myself. I have done a fair amount of traveling at this point, but more or less traveling does not make me any closer or further away from God and knowing myself through Him. Yes, God lives within me, as the movie also states. But the movie's mantra of 'god as myself' does not apply. Thank goodness! If god was myself... I'd be doomed! I am a 21 year old architecture student, with a lot of confusion and craziness...I could not run my own life without sending it into a tailspin. It's basically the equivalent of handing over the steering wheel to a blind person. How comforting it is to have someone who can see and is the greatest of drivers! Watching the movie made me realize that I have an incredible resource. If I have the God of the universe, the Author of creation at my doorstep, accessible to me, to learn about him.... Why on earth would I not take advantage of that!? But I most definitely have not taken advantage of it. I too easily forget when I am confused or frustrated and searching, that I have someone who already knows all about it, but just wants to listen, to be there and to help.
I feel like lately I have been really anxious. Anxious for the semester to be over, to have Christmas, to try to learn Italian as fast as possible so I can actually communicate with people at Christmas. Anxious to figure out what this time away in Italy was all about. Why God sent me here in the first place. I may never know the answer to that question, but lately I feel a lot more comforted. Because finally, after all of this, I realized that God was there the whole time, was listening every time I was frustrated or overwhelmed, saw every amazing beautiful experiences I experienced, knew every loneliness, knew every joy. And little by little, that anxiousness has just melted. When God has your life and you aren't worrying all the time about what to do next, or what has happened in the past, it's an incredibly peaceful place to be. It doesn't mean it's not without conflict, but overall, the feeling is peace. And it's beautiful.
Italy was not quite what I expected. For that matter, I have no idea what I expected. But I think just the idea of studying abroad, living abroad, and Italy itself was a bit of a different mixture than I found it to be. Not bad, just different. It's very different living in an entirely foreign country but being only with people from your country, and specifically your school.. and specifically your class. It is an entirely different thing to be within a school of students from the foreign country. That is perhaps the biggest difference. It is also different to live near a large city, live in a smaller city just outside of a large metropolis, live in a large city, and live directly within a large metropolis. By this I refer to suburban Minneapolis, MN; Troy, NY; Torino, IT; Rome, IT. I have all these places as a home at one point or another. It is different to live in the Midwestern vs. Northeastern US, as it is different to live in the North vs. Center of Italy. People are different. Weather is different. Food is different.
And within these differences is the struggle and the adventure and the beauty. I have found I love that more than anything. I love discovering it all. But that is not without its difficulty. You see, discovering usually involves leaving one place for another. And when you leave a place you also leave people. Perhaps the last days here have made me miss my best friends and family back home more than ever. People who know me, who know my heart and understand the quirks and experiences that deeply influence me.
But to say all this and not include the only thing that is constant in my currently very transitional life, is to miss the entire point of my life. And that, to say in Sunday-school terms, is Jesus. Yes, Jesus. I know it sounds boring because it is supposed to be the answer, but through all of this I have found that it really is the case. And when you get into all of it, boring is the last word to describe it. God has me clinging for dear life on the roller-coaster of a crazy beautiful adventure of a life.
Today I watched 'Eat. Pray. Love' It was really good. Of course, it's a total chick flick, but past that, it's good. For one, it was pretty exciting to see the parts in Italy that they filmed. Probably because they are about 100 meters away from where I am currently sitting at school. Not that I'm a total movie fanatic and will now go try to trace every step of Julia Roberts and take pictures of every restaurant and stone bench, but since my job this summer and since being a little more involved in photography, I find it really interesting to see how they portray different places. And a side note: Piazza Navona is almost never that empty unless it is 7:00 am. And I have most certainly not seen multiple nuns eating gelato on the bench in front of Bernini's fountain. But it sure would be awesome if it was the case! ...And Roman bars are hectic, but do not resemble elegant mosh pits. ...and I am a bit jealous of Julia Robert's Rome, which seems to be devoid of tourists, even in exceptional weather. And, I am probably the most envious of the fact that she picked up decent Italian in the matter of 20 minutes of the movie. ...but it's a movie.
The entire movie was about her finding herself. I totally understand that. I feel like that's always a huge issue. But it made me kind of sad, for the reason that it would be really empty to search for myself without actually looking to the one that knows me better than I could even know myself. You would think the one who created me would probably have me figured out. So, unlike Liz in the movie, I truly have Someone with all the answers. I don't have to search multiple continents and countless countries to find myself. I have done a fair amount of traveling at this point, but more or less traveling does not make me any closer or further away from God and knowing myself through Him. Yes, God lives within me, as the movie also states. But the movie's mantra of 'god as myself' does not apply. Thank goodness! If god was myself... I'd be doomed! I am a 21 year old architecture student, with a lot of confusion and craziness...I could not run my own life without sending it into a tailspin. It's basically the equivalent of handing over the steering wheel to a blind person. How comforting it is to have someone who can see and is the greatest of drivers! Watching the movie made me realize that I have an incredible resource. If I have the God of the universe, the Author of creation at my doorstep, accessible to me, to learn about him.... Why on earth would I not take advantage of that!? But I most definitely have not taken advantage of it. I too easily forget when I am confused or frustrated and searching, that I have someone who already knows all about it, but just wants to listen, to be there and to help.
I feel like lately I have been really anxious. Anxious for the semester to be over, to have Christmas, to try to learn Italian as fast as possible so I can actually communicate with people at Christmas. Anxious to figure out what this time away in Italy was all about. Why God sent me here in the first place. I may never know the answer to that question, but lately I feel a lot more comforted. Because finally, after all of this, I realized that God was there the whole time, was listening every time I was frustrated or overwhelmed, saw every amazing beautiful experiences I experienced, knew every loneliness, knew every joy. And little by little, that anxiousness has just melted. When God has your life and you aren't worrying all the time about what to do next, or what has happened in the past, it's an incredibly peaceful place to be. It doesn't mean it's not without conflict, but overall, the feeling is peace. And it's beautiful.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
_girl's night out_
At the end of the semester I'm really bad at posting anything in any regular consistency. But I'm working on it :)
Last night I got the chance to hang out with a bunch of girls for a Campus Crusade/Real Life girl's night. It was so awesome. so incredibly awesome. Now, it wasn't that crazy - there were no fireworks, or live concerts... but it was just plain old good amazing fellowship with other girls/women seeking after God. It was so beautiful to see. I didn't know many people at first, but I loved meeting each and every girl. I might not even get to see them before the end of the semester, and consequently not until next year, but I love them a lot. I loved that we could just be honest, and transparent with one another. Nothing was off-limits. It was just.. very real and down to earth. And God-honoring. Of course there was laughter and pizza and cupcakes and awesome food and games.. but above all there was a joy that radiated from everywhere in that house. My heart felt so nourished and fed and encouraged by last night, even though it was much too short. I'm so excited to get to know these girls and to see what God does in their lives. Each girl is so incredibly beautiful. Yes, they were each beautiful on the outside, but their hearts that just searched and longed for God was the most gorgeous thing I've seen in a very long time.
Last night I got the chance to hang out with a bunch of girls for a Campus Crusade/Real Life girl's night. It was so awesome. so incredibly awesome. Now, it wasn't that crazy - there were no fireworks, or live concerts... but it was just plain old good amazing fellowship with other girls/women seeking after God. It was so beautiful to see. I didn't know many people at first, but I loved meeting each and every girl. I might not even get to see them before the end of the semester, and consequently not until next year, but I love them a lot. I loved that we could just be honest, and transparent with one another. Nothing was off-limits. It was just.. very real and down to earth. And God-honoring. Of course there was laughter and pizza and cupcakes and awesome food and games.. but above all there was a joy that radiated from everywhere in that house. My heart felt so nourished and fed and encouraged by last night, even though it was much too short. I'm so excited to get to know these girls and to see what God does in their lives. Each girl is so incredibly beautiful. Yes, they were each beautiful on the outside, but their hearts that just searched and longed for God was the most gorgeous thing I've seen in a very long time.
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