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I haven't written in forever, and I do apologize for that. I have written, but it seems my writing desire has recently been stronger in the area of food... though to be honest, baking and cooking haven't happened in quite some time due to my kitchen situation, but that is a topic for another time. Probably for a time when I write on elements of patience and loving (seemingly) crazy people. Anyway, I typically write when I have a passion for it, that is, when something comes to my attention that I really need to write out, or when I am avoiding work at all costs and look to my blog as a distraction. This is the former. 

Recently the topic of sex has been all over the place. Yes, I know you probably had one or both of these reactions - 'Why is Angie talking about sex on her blog' and 'Yes, Angie, sex is always all around us. Just look at the media.' Obviously, it is always a prominent issue, but recently it has been much more prominent in slightly different circles, those of close friends and of church. My home church, Hope Community Church, is currently in a series on the Song of Solomon. If you have ever read through it, I'm sure you know it is one of the more scandalous books in the Bible. But Treich and Cor have done an awesome job going through it, looking at people, relationships, dating, marriage, sex, and intimacy in an honest and beautiful light. It is amazingly refreshing. I highly encourage you to check it out. 

Something that seems to be a gigantic fissure between Christians and non-Christians is their outlook on sex. It shouldn't be. We are all sexual beings, created that way by a loving God. BUT, non-Christians many times see Christians as anti-sex, and feel that they are extremely judged by Christians especially for their views on sex. Christians seem to view sex as a taboo topic, avoiding it at all costs, or persecute people who have been broken in that area. And I believe all of this is ridiculous. 

I think sex is a beautiful gift from God. And yes, I'm going to save it. But it's not for the 'the Bible says it's bad' reason that seems to be prominent in the church. The Bible does not say it is bad. What God created was good.  He celebrates it. He wants us to enjoy it and have pleasure from it. But I do believe that we get maximum pleasure when we do have it within a marriage. And honestly, it just makes sense. When you don't have baggage sexually before a marriage, things get a lot wilder and crazier a lot faster after marriage. Sounds good, doesn't it?  Now, I also believe that when we do have sexual baggage, when we are broken that way, God can give us incredible healing, can make us new again. There is redemption, even in the messy areas of life. Sometimes I get really sick of Christian culture acting like there are 'big sins' and 'small sins', and the former just never quite get forgiven. False.  God has it ALL covered. Fact. 

I was recently reading another blog post from someone else on this same topic, and she seemed to have some refreshing views and some curious views all at once. What I liked about her writing was her tell-it-like-it-is nature, which I find refreshing because Christians seem to tip-toe around confusing or controversial topics. I like that she looks into the topic of epic love. The kind of love that sweeps you off your feet, is passionate, and crazy and beautiful. Sometimes I feel like Christians (and others) settle for something that isn't as amazing as it should be. Somehow we aren't worthy of passion or crazy love. Somehow we think that is bad. It's not. The relationship described in Song of Solomon was most definitely passionate and crazy. And it's in the Bible. Who knew? 

BUT, so many times, I feel like we can get this mixed up. We use our relationships to fulfill everything, all passion, all the crazy goodness, all the love. But if we do that, we deprive ourselves of true fullness. True fullness comes from God. I know that sounds clichéd perhaps, but it is true. I was just reading Blue Like Jazz finally. And one part about the role of marriage and God and love really stuck out to me. 

"Well, maybe I can't say what you think marriage is. Maybe I should say it isn't what I thought it would be. I thought marriage was to be known. And it is; it is to be known. But Danielle can know me only so much; do you know what I mean? ...... And the scary thing about relationships, intimate relationships, is that if someone gets to know us, the us that we usually hide, they might not love us; they might reject us....... I'm saying there is stuff I can't tell her, not because I don't want to, but because there are no words. It's like we are separate people, and there is no getting inside each other to read each other's thoughts, each other's beings. Marriage is amazing because it is the closest two people can get, but they can't get all the way because of absolute knowing. Marriage is the most beautiful thing I have ever dreamed of.... but it isn't everything. It isn't Mecca. Danielle loves everything about me; she accepts me and tolerates me and encourages me. She knows me better than anyone else in the world, but she doesn't know all of me, and  I don't know all of her. And I never thought after I got married that there would still be something lacking. I always though marriage, especially after I first met Danielle, would be the ultimate fulfillment. It is great, don't get me wrong, and I am glad I married Danielle, and I will be with her forever. But there are places in our lives that only God can go............ I mean that to be in relationship with God is to be loved purely and ferociously."

I love that. But it is hard to hear at the same time. It is very easy to see marriage as a giant trophy, as something we strive for, date for, look for, hope for. And it is wonderful. But I think when we look at it in the purest way, it is an earthly relationship. It is the closest you can ever get to someone. And that is truly beautiful. But God has an eternal relationship with us, and knows us truly and fully. And to place that giant weight of being truly and fully loved on a mere human, it messes up that relationship. God shows a lot of his love through those relationships, but we can not be full through only that. ...there are places in our lives that only God can go....   

So I've learned a lot about relationship and love and sex in the past months. By experience and conversation and listening and reading. But in everything it is true that only God can see my true thoughts, my real worries, my feelings of inadequacy, my feelings of doubt, my hope for love and someone to share life with someday. And God is amazing in that way. A person would go crazy listening to every single thought and worry and crazy element of my life.. but God listens, truly listens, and hears every complaint and worry. And he does not answer back with scolding or mocking or disgust. He answers back with love. Not love the way we understand, but a pure unconditional ferocious love. So when I get confused or frustrated or whatever about the role of sex in our imperfect crazy lives, it helps to remember that God does not think it is something dirty or unforgivable or dirty. It is created by Him, it is important; and at it's core, it is beautiful; now matter what mess we make of it. .