_sunflower crowns_

Today started out fantastic. I woke up early, the sun shining through the windows, and my bed the softest comfiest place I could imagine. My shower felt wonderful. My breakfast was tasty. My morning dance music was good. I got to the library super extra early to study and get stuff done. I heard back from a possible job connection, and I got some stuff cleared up dealing with my school account. Even my morning test went well - 10 out of 10. Last class. doneskies.

And then, suddenly I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by my impending schedule, my work, my different relationships with friends, and any little obstacles that came my way. A feeling clung in my chest and wouldn't leave, an anxiousness where I could not physically catch my breath, and my heart seemed to slowly pound it's way painfully out of my chest. I don't really cry much at all, but suddenly I was on the verge of tears at absolutely any provocation. What's worse, was that my friends around me were having good days, and I felt completely out of place messing their days up by my sad-panda demeanor.

Logically, I did the super responsible thing, and skipped out on my homework for a while, abandoned my phone, ate ice cream, said stupid things to friends, and played hooky just sitting on the hill by school, looking out over the city. Normally this would have been a location of peace and quiet and serenity for me, but my heart would not shut up. It just ached. Not for a broken heart, but out of pure anxiety. And then I was mostly anxious that I was anxious. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. I didn't feel better once I woke up, mostly I felt a little itchy from the grass and like one too many six-legged friends had crawled across my arms. But gazing across the grassy hillside, dotted with yellow splotches of dandelions, I remembered something important. I remembered that there was someone out there who cared, who listened and who didn't make me feel dumb or try to fix it or anything. Who just loved. Loved simply and loved totally. And anxiety and worrying could never break that bond or change that relationship, not on his side anyway.

''Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens. They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why worry about the rest? 


Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your mind on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and the Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. 


Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been please to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.''

I know this verse is often quoted, and well-known. I myself memorized it quite a few years ago, and I need to brush up on it, but most of it is still there. It was the one passage that could get me through anything. Not because it had some magical strength of it's own, but in it's entirety, it was able to lift me up and humble me all at the same time. It was able to set my mind straight, with no ifs or buts.. I couldn't weasel my way out back into the same state of anxiety with out the surety that he had me covered. He proved it over and over again. I was absolutely foolish not to trust him.

So there I was, sitting among hundreds of dandelions. I was just thinking to myself how beautiful they were, even though they were lowly weeds. There life was simple. It was provided for. They had nothing to worry about. ..and then I thought, and wanted to laugh to myself. ...how much more am I beautiful in God's eyes. The dandelions - the weeds! - he fabricates with utmost delicacy and care, and provides all their needs, though their life is short. And yet I am His, given not just the life of a flower but the life of his child. How much more will he provide. How much more will he take pleasure in me.

I highly recommend braiding
dandelion crowns they're awesome. 

I thought about the reason for my anxiety. It wasn't purely a matter of clothing or food. It was a matter of lost trust in Him, because I had been hurt by all those foolish things I had set my heart on. My treasure had not been in Him. If it were, I would have felt joy, for that is what He brings. My treasure was in my schoolwork. My schedule. My relationships. My job search. My grades. My money. My ...fill-in-the-blank-with-element-of-temporary-life. Keyword: Me. You see, the problem with trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, is that usually you've tied them together without realizing it, only causing yourself to trip later. My treasure was being eaten by moths, robbed and plundered by strangers and friends alike, and I was becoming exhausted. When I realized this, when I remembered that my heart is where my treasure is, my life became so much simpler. It did not become easy, but it became very simple.


God, thank you that you reveal things to me, in my foolishness and my stubbornness and my pride, and reveal them in simple things, like weeds.  You are truly incredible.