_missing italia_

Lately, for no particular reason, I have been missing Italy A LOT. Maybe it's because I finally got to skype with Marina a week ago, and I didn't realize how much I really missed her until I saw her appear on my screen. Maybe it's because American grocery stores are sadly depressing and expensive for the kind of food I bought and ate in Italy... Maybe it's because I miss Italian coffee shops so much. I haven't had a real espresso since..... I was in Italy. yikes.

I broke out my caffettiera (stovetop espresso maker.. or moka) a few days ago, which helped a lot. It's amazing how a couple sips of espresso can instantly transport me back, as though I am sitting at the bar at the Politecnico, sharing a caffè macchiato with the Italian students, or even better, I'm sitting in the kitchen with my adopted Italian family, having an espresso after breakfast or lunch. I miss that so much.  I never thought I could bring back memories and emotions this strong with something like coffee. Oh, but I miss it. I also miss the price. I'm already sick of paying three and a half dollars for a cappuccino at any of the cafes, which is about double the price it is in Italy. I refuse to drink American coffee (aka mildy-coffee-flavored water), though it is much more economical. And I don't dare buy an espresso out.. both being nervous about quality and for the fact that they cost over $2 for a single shot. urgh. I need a real coffee machine. Or I need to work at a coffee shop and make my own espresso... ha that could work.

What also brought back intense Italian-deprivation feelings was the fact that I (finally) watched The Italian Job. No, not the new one, the old one. It was released in 1967, and it's brilliant. A good mix of action, fast cars, and comedy. Loved it. Plus it helps that I'm a sucker for old movies....especially when they are set in a place I love. You have no idea how excited I was to see the familiar streets and porticos of Torino throughout the movie. It made me so happy. Here are a few of my favorites...


...I think I may just watch the Italian Job and drink espresso every time I'm missing Italia!


I'm very very thankful that I have the friends that I do here, and that I am pretty happy anywhere, because I definitely would be missing Italy a lot more. What's hard is that even if I were to go back now, it probably wouldn't be quite the same. But one thing I know, I am most definitely going back!

_the big 'V'_

I saw this and had to post it. ADORABLE. 

When I was graciously notified that, indeed, I was not actually caring for my blog, I had no intention of writing about Valentines Day. ...the Big 'V' as I call it. But, recently I have found a few things that have made it quite unavoidable, and mostly just appealing, to write about. Valentine's Day (or Singles' Awareness Day.. or RIBS Awareness Day. or whatever you would like to call it) is something that comes each year, and is either loved or loathed. Mostly there is no middle ground.

Either you are in a relationship, and you are hopeful that you may get your candy quota that was not fulfilled on Halloween, or you are in a relationship and loath the consumer focus of Valentine's Day. If you are not in a relationship, you loath Valentine's because it reminds you that you are single and unhappy, or you love Valentine's because it reminds you that you are single and happy and you love your friends. Whichever way you look at it, Valentine's Day creates factions between the lovers and the loathers, on many different levels.

I have to admit, mostly I get annoyed by Valentine's Day. When I got back from Italy, Christmas decorations were coming down and Valentine-o-rama had come in full force. I definitely rolled my eyes a few times when having to walk through an aisle saturated in candy hearts and cheap love messages to get to my dearly loved arborio rice.. But, I thought back to simpler times, perhaps sparked by my recent visit to my first grade teacher and her adorable class.

In 1st grade, Valentines Day was one of my favorite holidays. Why? Because I got to use my arts and crafts and chocolate-loving skills. Making mail boxes for desks? Check. Making cards packed with glitter, pom poms, hearts, lace, paper cut-outs, stickers and every color of the rainbow? Check. Going to the store with my mom to pick out my favorite candy to share with my classmates? Check. It was a lot of fun at the young age of 6. And it continued to be for a long time. And when did that change? Probably once V-Day became less of a reason to give candy and crafts to everyone and more of a reason to cuddle in the halls and have googly eyes on their faces and not on their Valentines cards.

A collection of much of what is brilliant about Valentines in a 1st grader's eyes: making cute  cards (is that a cupcake or a four-legged person?), Valentines mailboxes, Valentines crafts, and an excuse to use googly eyes. 

But, Valentines Day can still be lots of fun. I'm not necessarily recommending going out and buying construction paper, glitter, and googly eyes with your grocery money, but perhaps you could pick up a little something for someone else. What I have found out about Valentines Day, which is true for both singles and those dating/married, is that Valentines Day is not about you. REALLY.

When researching a little into who this St. Valentine guy was, and why he thought it was a good idea to start this crazy holiday, I found that they don't exactly know which Valentine it was. There are apparently three recognized St. Valentines, all who were martyred. And there are a whole host of other Valentine legends. First, there is the Valentine of Rome in the 3rd century, who secretly married soldiers even though it was against the emperor's wishes. Which got him killed. Another story tells of a Valentine who sent a girl a love message while in jail, signing it 'Your Valentine.'  Yet another story tells of a Valentine who helped Christians escape from Roman jails and torture. To be quite honest, I was really hoping the real Valentine would not really have anything to do with romance, which is mostly true. But the point is, Valentine, whoever he really was, was completely selfless. Whether he risked his life to marry people, risked his life to help Christians from being persecuted, or was jailed and handwrote something lovely for someone lovely - whatever he did, it was a selfless act.

And yet, how many of us are so selfish on this selfless holiday? We mope if we don't get the candy we want. If we don't get the attention we want. If we don't feel loved by whom we want to be loved, in the way that we want to be loved. The consumerist part of Valentines Day is annoying to be sure, but it does make for wonderful chocolate sales in the following days. What I do mind is that we have made it all about us. It is not so much a day for showering people with love (though some people still get that part).... it has become a day for gloating if you have it all, or moping if you don't. But in reality it is not about us.

In reality, there is only one Valentine that beats them all. One person whose extent of love is more outrageous,  selfless, and courageous than anyone else's. The past few Valentines Days have been awesome because I actually got to spend it with my One True Valentine. Yes, it may seem clichè, but God is truly the best Valentine you will ever have. Some guy can be sweet by bringing you flowers and chocolate.. but God made the flowers, and made the cocoa beans. Let's see some college jock try to pull that one off. So, on Valentines Day, it's great to celebrate the romantic side, and spend it with your significant other if you have one. But don't forget that you have a pretty incredible True Valentine, who has been there for every Valentines Day you ever had. Spend some time with Him. And don't forget, share the love with some other people. Bake some cookies. Make silly cards. Give people hugs. Buy chocolate in bulk and pass it all out. Be creative. Whatever you do; have fun, be selfless, be loving.

_buon natale_

Well it's Christmas day! I don't know where all of the time has gone! But currently I am in Marina's living room, on Christmas day. I never thought I would be in Italy for it all! What a year this has been. I can't believe it!

Last night I was able to skype with my beautiful family during their Christmas Eve dinner. It was amazing to see them all together and at the table, with all the food and everything. I miss them all terribly! But it felt so much better just to talk with them all, and see everyone together. Even Marina got to say 'hi' and talk to everyone. What a blessing it has been to be with her and her family this Christmas; they have to be some of the most generous and hospitable people I know. It has been awesome to see what an Italian Christmas is like and celebrate with them. I am eternally grateful!

Even though Christmas here has been lovely, it is still hard not to be home with my family and friends for the holidays, especially since some of them will leave again soon after Christmas or New Years. You know that feeling of missing out? Well, multiply it by 100, and that's about the feeling of missing Christmas at home. BUT, I know that it will make all the following Christmases that much sweeter. I love my family dearly.

But all of these things, when boiled down, are mostly tradition, and tradition can be beautiful. But true Christmas depends on not the location your in, the people you are with, whether or not you have snow or rain or sunshine, or whether you have gifts or not. True Christmas depends on one person, and one person only:

Happy Birthday Jesus!!

_beginning of the end of the beginning_

It's December. Yes, December. No matter how many times I say it, I don't think I believe it. It's December, and I will be leaving the beautiful country of Italy in a little less than one month. It's December, and as of today, I have been in Italy 144 days. That is approximately 3 months and 22 days. It feels entirely longer and shorter than that. Just a couple months ago, I left in tears for a plane departing for another continent, and specifically the city of Dublin, Ireland, to get my feet wet before I was submerged in metropolis of Rome. Just as of September, I was discovering Torino for the first time, and meeting the Italian students. And just as of October, I returned to the crazy city of Rome, filled with its tourists, ruins, and something similar to the magic of Disney.

Italy was not quite what I expected. For that matter, I have no idea what I expected. But I think just the idea of studying abroad, living abroad, and Italy itself was a bit of a different mixture than I found it to be. Not bad, just different. It's very different living in an entirely foreign country but being only with people from your country, and specifically your school.. and specifically your class. It is an entirely different thing to be within a school of students from the foreign country. That is perhaps the biggest difference. It is also different to live near a large city, live in a smaller city just outside of a large metropolis, live in a large city, and live directly within a large metropolis. By this I refer to suburban Minneapolis, MN; Troy, NY; Torino, IT; Rome, IT. I have all these places as a home at one point or another. It is different to live in the Midwestern vs. Northeastern US, as it is different to live in the North vs. Center of Italy. People are different. Weather is different. Food is different.

And within these differences is the struggle and the adventure and the beauty. I have found I love that more than anything. I love discovering it all. But that is not without its difficulty. You see, discovering usually involves leaving one place for another. And when you leave a place you also leave people. Perhaps the last days here have made me miss my best friends and family back home more than ever. People who know me, who know my heart and understand the quirks and experiences that deeply influence me.

But to say all this and not include the only thing that is constant in my currently very transitional life, is to miss the entire point of my life. And that, to say in Sunday-school terms, is Jesus. Yes, Jesus. I know it sounds boring because it is supposed to be the answer, but through all of this I have found that it really is the case. And when you get into all of it, boring is the last word to describe it. God has me clinging for dear life on the roller-coaster of a crazy beautiful adventure of a life.

Today I watched 'Eat. Pray. Love'  It was really good. Of course, it's a total chick flick, but past that, it's good. For one, it was pretty exciting to see the parts in Italy that they filmed. Probably because they are about 100 meters away from where I am currently sitting at school. Not that I'm a total movie fanatic and will now go try to trace every step of Julia Roberts and take pictures of every restaurant and stone bench, but since my job this summer and since being a little more involved in photography, I find it really interesting to see how they portray different places. And a side note: Piazza Navona is almost never that empty unless it is 7:00 am. And I have most certainly not seen multiple nuns eating gelato on the bench in front of Bernini's fountain. But it sure would be awesome if it was the case! ...And Roman bars are hectic, but do not resemble elegant mosh pits. ...and I am a bit jealous of Julia Robert's Rome, which seems to be devoid of tourists, even in exceptional weather. And, I am probably the most envious of the fact that she picked up decent Italian in the matter of 20 minutes of the movie. ...but it's a movie.

The entire movie was about her finding herself. I totally understand that. I feel like that's always a huge issue. But it made me kind of sad, for the reason that it would be really empty to search for myself without actually looking to the one that knows me better than I could even know myself. You would think the one who created me would probably have me figured out. So, unlike Liz in the movie, I truly have Someone with all the answers. I don't have to search multiple continents and countless countries to find myself. I have done a fair amount of traveling at this point, but more or less traveling does not make  me any closer or further away from God and knowing myself through Him. Yes, God lives within me, as the movie also states. But the movie's mantra of 'god as myself' does not apply. Thank goodness! If god was myself... I'd be doomed! I am a 21 year old architecture student, with a lot of confusion and craziness...I could not run my own life without sending it into a tailspin. It's basically the equivalent of handing over the steering wheel to a blind person. How comforting it is to have someone who can see and is the greatest of drivers! Watching the movie made me realize that I have an incredible resource. If I have the God of the universe, the Author of creation at my doorstep, accessible to me, to learn about him.... Why on earth would I not take advantage of that!? But I most definitely have not taken advantage of it. I too easily forget when I am confused or frustrated and searching, that I have someone who already knows all about it, but just wants to listen, to be there and to help.

I feel like lately I have been really anxious. Anxious for the semester to be over, to have Christmas, to try to learn Italian as fast as possible so I can actually communicate with people at Christmas. Anxious to figure out what this time away in Italy was all about. Why God sent me here in the first place. I may never know the answer to that question, but lately I feel a lot more comforted. Because finally, after all of this, I realized that God was there the whole time, was listening every time I was frustrated or overwhelmed, saw every amazing beautiful experiences I experienced, knew every loneliness, knew every joy. And little by little, that anxiousness has just melted. When God has your life and you aren't worrying all the time about what to do next, or what has happened in the past,  it's an incredibly peaceful place to be. It doesn't mean it's not without conflict, but overall, the feeling is peace. And it's beautiful.

_you have me_

I may or may not be avoiding studying for Architectural History at this point.. but I was introduced to this band Gungor (thank you Abby!), and I am in love with this song. Perhaps because it is exactly the way I feel at this moment, and generally in Italy this semester. It is a beautiful, honest song.

And here are the lyrics:

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
And You were there

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But You were there

I've wandered at heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
You were there still

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart

You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely
You have me, You have me
You have my heart completely


My heart at this point in the semester is this way. I have felt the silence of being without my close friends, my church, my family.. the normalcy of my life in the US. Sometimes I feel incredibly far away from God too. But through any mistakes, loneliness, adventures..all of it, God was there, and He still has my heart. Even though I may run sometimes, above all my heart is His. Forever. 

_the meaning of Christmas_

All of us have gotten a little Christmas-crazy here. Which is almost completely amazing. The only downside is, the more I see the lights, the garlands, the gifts, sales, food, candies, and warmer clothes of the Christmas season, it makes me miss home rather terribly. And the worst part about it is that I won't be going home this Christmas. I will be arriving just after the holiday season, on the 6th of January to be exact. But this means I miss just about everything. My sister will be back in school by the time I get back. Most people would have thrown out their Christmas trees by that time. Christmas lights will be coming down. After Christmas sales will be in full force or winding down. Family parties will have happened before or on Christmas day. Potlucks with friends before the 25th as well. And church parties and services will be long over. That's hard. Christmas is my favorite time of year. Christmas break, when I come back from RPI for the MUCH-needed break from anything architecture and involving rigorous study, is my favorite break. I don't have to pack that much. I don't have to move my life and all of my belongings back and forth. I just need to be there. Be me. Be present with my family and my friends and take it all in. 

Ice storms and inclement weather..
not always fun, but typically beautiful

Now, that said, I am not completely disappointed this Christmas. In fact, I am extremely excited because I have the chance to spend Christmas in Italy and in Torino with my dearest friend Marina and her family. What a gift! When else will I be able to spend Christmas in a place like Italy!? Italy is beautiful around this time of year. The decorations are really amazing. The people bustle around doing their Christmas shopping just like in the US... but they are much much more calm about it, it seems. I'm a fan of that. But really, I am really excited for an Italian Christmas.

I am also crazy excited that I get to spend it with a family. And I also get to spend it in a place with (hopefully) snow and cold weather. Rome is so warm! It's ridiculous! But I am truly extremely excited. If you haven't noticed, I really love Torino. I don't think I expected to love it as much as I do. I guess I will always be a Northern girl. North places always are more comfortable to me. I need seasons. I feel imbalanced without ALL FOUR. And I need winter.

As much as it is annoying to trudge through snow and have freezing rain smack you in the face in the dead of January sometimes, the beautiful peaceful snow, the powder and the snowmen make it all worth it. I love warm clothing, hot tea, hot soup, mittens, snowball fights, glitter and sequins of children's Christmas cards, Christmas Swedish sausage, lefse, krumkake, and puppy chow. And most of all I love the family around Christmastime. Family and friends. 

Winter driving is always an adventure. 

But I was sitting in church this morning, being chilled every few minutes by the door opening behind me, and thinking about this whole concept of Christmas. It was beginning to get painful to hear about everyone flying home for Christmas. I was beginning to think that it would have been better to fly home for Christmas. I wouldn't miss it that way. ...but miss Christmas? Christmas is about Someone, not all the somethings that I would be missing back in Minnesota. Christmas is Jesus' birthday party.

 I just had a birthday just last week. I understand what birthdays are like. I am just a 21 year old college student. Jesus is the King of the World. the Superhero of all superheros. The God of all gods. Of course he should get one heck of a birthday party. But we should stop thinking about US on HIS birthday! It makes no sense! 

Of course, this is the same message of every Christmas. "Remember the reason for the season." ..But I never quite understood it so clearly as I do now. Christmas should not be less awesome because I am away from gifts and family and Minnesota. Christmas should be of the same importance whether or not I am in my home, in Italy, or in Antarctica for that matter. Christ is the same all over the world. The fact that the God of the Universe sent his only son. ONLY Son. If I had one child, I would probably not want to give it over to a bunch of crazy loony people to kill it. That just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense why God loves us in the first place. But the important thing is that he does. And he love us so ridiculously much that he was willing to do that - to give what probably meant the most to him as a sacrifice for all of us. The more I learn about God's love, the more it really doesn't make sense. But God's love is the same whether or not we celebrate it with Santa and reindeer or with fancy food or with chicken noodle soup. God just wants us to actually make the important things important. And on Christmas, the important thing is that He came! What a crazy awesome God we have.

A few of my favorite Christmas things: 

Gingerbread houses..and Christmas fun for archie nerds. 

Christmas lights..specifically the one house in Arden Hills that makes crazy light sculptures..
including globes, Nemo, the Eiffel Tower, and a dragon. 

I love the beauty of winter. 

Even RPI and Troy can look especially beautiful with a fresh snow. 

_torino parte due_

I know this is the second post about Torino, but I did a lot there!! So I feel like I need at least two or three posts to cover it all!

On Thursday Marina graciously showed me around the city. We went up to Superga, the church and burial place of the Savoye family. It was beautiful!! And it looked out over the entire city of Torino! And I also must mention that the weather was absolutely gorgeous! It was cold and lovely. I mean, it wasn't freezing cold, just a really amazing refreshing cold. It felt almost like Thanksgiving at home.

Superga

The view from Superga

Egyptian museum

The famous room of the Egyptian museum

Torino streets by night

Church of the Cappuccini

an amazing hot chocolate at Baratti & Milano near the central piazza

Galleria lit up for Christmas