It's been a really long time since I've blogged. And if anyone actually keeps up with this, I apologize. However, my life has been a bit busy lately. I'm sure it is not any busier than anyone else's, but it has not allowed time for writing, or rather, I have not made it any sort of priority. But things have calmed down slightly, now that my sister's grad party has ended, things are cleaned, the kitchen is done (and gorgeous!), and people are less stressed and back to normal. Now it's just summer, and frankly, it's been strange the last few days.
Strange in that I don't have a whole lot to do. I do have things on my various lists, but they are things that wouldn't even make it on my most extended lists while at school. Things like volunteering at the elementary school today, or sewing, or getting coffee with friends, or taking a nap, walking the dog, or even creating something tasty in the kitchen. Yet, though I love these things, I've realized I've had a hard time enjoying them. I don't have a job for this summer, and it is starting to worry me. I should not be worried, I know, but it would definitely be putting my mind at ease to put my hands to work, use the education I've been spending ridiculous amounts of money to have, and earn some money to pay for said education. I'm from the Midwest. We were made to work. Things do not feel right if there is nothing to do.
But today, even though I was feeling a little stressed about the lack of a job, I was surprised by the various little things that just made me purely happy. And then I thought back to the past week or two, and all of the various people and things and moments that gave me genuine joy. And to my surprise, there were so many. So to make my night a bit brighter (I've been a bit sick) and to share it with you, I'll share.
... Last week I got to have coffee with my best friend in the whole world, and we sat in Caribou and did work and job-searching and made fun of each other and giggled. It was a time when I could just be. I could always be exactly myself around Amy. Nothing more and nothing less than my whole self. That is a beautiful thing.
... Yesterday I was ''stranded'' at my house after my sister took the car to Wisconsin for the day. And it was 105° ... so I didn't exactly want to bike anywhere where it would be less-acceptable to show up sweaty and gross. So I stayed home for the morning, cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, did laundry, and started a sewing project. And while that doesn't sound like a whole lot of fun, it was incredibly relaxing. I had forgotten the wonderful sight of seeing a whole kitchen counter wiped clean and smooth with nothing cluttering it. And when my dad has the dark grey mirror behind, well, it looks like the counter goes on forever. ...which would typically make me want to cook, but it was 105°, so that obviously wasn't happening. I also forgot the wonderful smell of our laundry detergent. and how I actually enjoy folding laundry when there is no rush, and I can make nice neat stacks of delicious-smelling clothes. And then I sewed. I had forgotten the wonderful challenge of figuring out a pattern, of pressing the fabric and the amusement of fusible interfacing. I had forgotten that silly feeling of pride I get when I can thread an old sewing machine myself. I had forgotten the wonderful sound of the presser foot slamming down, and the needle smoothly and rapidly making its way down the fabric, creating a perfect seam. And the best part, was while doing this I was watching North by Northwest, which is probably one of my favorite movies of all time. It's just brilliant. I mean,. there is no other movie with sophistication of plot, amazing actors, three locations with amazing sets, costumes that are just right, and the filmography is just.... perfect. No one captures emotion and anticipation within a simple camera angle than Alfred Hitchcock. I had forgotten how amazing the movie was, and how simply happy it made me to watch it. And it's not even a pick-me-up movie. It's just something I truly enjoy.
... Today I had the pleasure of visiting my first grade teacher again, Mrs. Burba, and helping her out. We were packing her classroom up because they are going to replace all of the floors this summer. I think she was happy for the help. And I was very glad to do it. Sometimes there is simple pleasure in just doing things. And I suppose it is that Midwest work ethic also. But it was great to be there with her kids, and to be around their simple humor and life-view for a while. Since we were packing everything, we had a few things we were going to get rid of, so Mrs. Burba decided to give them away, and draw names of kids to come and pick out books and supplies and random odds and ends. And the kids were ecstatic. They each received over 5 books, to which one girl replied enthusiastically, ''I'm rich with books!!!!'' Hilarious. And I've never seen kids quite so excited about pencils, or writing paper, or number counters. It was great to see. And then we found fake money they didn't need in the class anymore. WHOA. The kids were jumping up and down, yelling ''We're rich! We're rich!!'' Way too excited to receive paper, but hey, it was great. It was so great to see how they drink up life.
...Today I also had the pleasure of chilling with my sister for a little bit, and we watched Matilda. Like North by Northwest, though a completely different movie, it is one of my favorites of all time. It's simple, and well-written, well-set, well-acted, and a beautiful interplay of drama and pick-me-up and excitement and humor. Not to mention Matilda's surprisingly strong resemblance to my younger sister when she was the same age. I love that movie. I will watch it again and again. I will cherish it with my kids one day (though we will also read the book).. and Matilda will also be one of my heroes. She's just awesome.
... This is getting long, which is definitely not a bad thing. It's amazing how easy it is to get distracted or down by life. Yet there are so many things for which to be thankful. Honestly, my life is ridiculously blessed. When I actually slow down to look at life and all of the simple things, it is then that I experience God's love the most. It is true he is not just in the wind and the storm, but in the quiet, in the giggles of first-graders, in the bittersweet taste of a good cup of coffee with friends, and in the simplicity of folding laundry.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
_sunflower crowns_
Today started out fantastic. I woke up early, the sun shining through the windows, and my bed the softest comfiest place I could imagine. My shower felt wonderful. My breakfast was tasty. My morning dance music was good. I got to the library super extra early to study and get stuff done. I heard back from a possible job connection, and I got some stuff cleared up dealing with my school account. Even my morning test went well - 10 out of 10. Last class. doneskies.
And then, suddenly I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by my impending schedule, my work, my different relationships with friends, and any little obstacles that came my way. A feeling clung in my chest and wouldn't leave, an anxiousness where I could not physically catch my breath, and my heart seemed to slowly pound it's way painfully out of my chest. I don't really cry much at all, but suddenly I was on the verge of tears at absolutely any provocation. What's worse, was that my friends around me were having good days, and I felt completely out of place messing their days up by my sad-panda demeanor.
Logically, I did the super responsible thing, and skipped out on my homework for a while, abandoned my phone, ate ice cream, said stupid things to friends, and played hooky just sitting on the hill by school, looking out over the city. Normally this would have been a location of peace and quiet and serenity for me, but my heart would not shut up. It just ached. Not for a broken heart, but out of pure anxiety. And then I was mostly anxious that I was anxious. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. I didn't feel better once I woke up, mostly I felt a little itchy from the grass and like one too many six-legged friends had crawled across my arms. But gazing across the grassy hillside, dotted with yellow splotches of dandelions, I remembered something important. I remembered that there was someone out there who cared, who listened and who didn't make me feel dumb or try to fix it or anything. Who just loved. Loved simply and loved totally. And anxiety and worrying could never break that bond or change that relationship, not on his side anyway.
''Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens. They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why worry about the rest?
Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your mind on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and the Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been please to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.''
I know this verse is often quoted, and well-known. I myself memorized it quite a few years ago, and I need to brush up on it, but most of it is still there. It was the one passage that could get me through anything. Not because it had some magical strength of it's own, but in it's entirety, it was able to lift me up and humble me all at the same time. It was able to set my mind straight, with no ifs or buts.. I couldn't weasel my way out back into the same state of anxiety with out the surety that he had me covered. He proved it over and over again. I was absolutely foolish not to trust him.
So there I was, sitting among hundreds of dandelions. I was just thinking to myself how beautiful they were, even though they were lowly weeds. There life was simple. It was provided for. They had nothing to worry about. ..and then I thought, and wanted to laugh to myself. ...how much more am I beautiful in God's eyes. The dandelions - the weeds! - he fabricates with utmost delicacy and care, and provides all their needs, though their life is short. And yet I am His, given not just the life of a flower but the life of his child. How much more will he provide. How much more will he take pleasure in me.
I thought about the reason for my anxiety. It wasn't purely a matter of clothing or food. It was a matter of lost trust in Him, because I had been hurt by all those foolish things I had set my heart on. My treasure had not been in Him. If it were, I would have felt joy, for that is what He brings. My treasure was in my schoolwork. My schedule. My relationships. My job search. My grades. My money. My ...fill-in-the-blank-with-element-of-temporary-life. Keyword: Me. You see, the problem with trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, is that usually you've tied them together without realizing it, only causing yourself to trip later. My treasure was being eaten by moths, robbed and plundered by strangers and friends alike, and I was becoming exhausted. When I realized this, when I remembered that my heart is where my treasure is, my life became so much simpler. It did not become easy, but it became very simple.
God, thank you that you reveal things to me, in my foolishness and my stubbornness and my pride, and reveal them in simple things, like weeds. You are truly incredible.
And then, suddenly I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by my impending schedule, my work, my different relationships with friends, and any little obstacles that came my way. A feeling clung in my chest and wouldn't leave, an anxiousness where I could not physically catch my breath, and my heart seemed to slowly pound it's way painfully out of my chest. I don't really cry much at all, but suddenly I was on the verge of tears at absolutely any provocation. What's worse, was that my friends around me were having good days, and I felt completely out of place messing their days up by my sad-panda demeanor.
Logically, I did the super responsible thing, and skipped out on my homework for a while, abandoned my phone, ate ice cream, said stupid things to friends, and played hooky just sitting on the hill by school, looking out over the city. Normally this would have been a location of peace and quiet and serenity for me, but my heart would not shut up. It just ached. Not for a broken heart, but out of pure anxiety. And then I was mostly anxious that I was anxious. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. I didn't feel better once I woke up, mostly I felt a little itchy from the grass and like one too many six-legged friends had crawled across my arms. But gazing across the grassy hillside, dotted with yellow splotches of dandelions, I remembered something important. I remembered that there was someone out there who cared, who listened and who didn't make me feel dumb or try to fix it or anything. Who just loved. Loved simply and loved totally. And anxiety and worrying could never break that bond or change that relationship, not on his side anyway.
''Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat, or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens. They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn, yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why worry about the rest?
Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your mind on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and the Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been please to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.''
So there I was, sitting among hundreds of dandelions. I was just thinking to myself how beautiful they were, even though they were lowly weeds. There life was simple. It was provided for. They had nothing to worry about. ..and then I thought, and wanted to laugh to myself. ...how much more am I beautiful in God's eyes. The dandelions - the weeds! - he fabricates with utmost delicacy and care, and provides all their needs, though their life is short. And yet I am His, given not just the life of a flower but the life of his child. How much more will he provide. How much more will he take pleasure in me.
 |
| I highly recommend braiding dandelion crowns they're awesome. |
God, thank you that you reveal things to me, in my foolishness and my stubbornness and my pride, and reveal them in simple things, like weeds. You are truly incredible.
Friday, April 8, 2011
_what is a hipster?_
I don't think I've ever felt a need to write on this topic. It makes me giggle just thinking about it. But recently I have had so many people ask me about 'hipsters', I felt the need to write. Just in case one of my friends wandered onto my blog and I had not yet comprehensibly explained what exactly a hipster was. Why so much confusion? Well, I'm going to school in the Northeast. At an engineering school, no less. So here goes, an in-depth and visual look at hipster culture. To educate others (and myself) about hipsterdom.
This Urban Dictionary definition seemed a good start:
"Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20's and 30's that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter. The greatest concentrations of hipsters can be found living in the Williamsburg, Wicker Park, and Mission District neighborhoods of major cosmopolitan centers such as New York, Chicago, and San Francisco respectively. Although "hipsterism" is really a state of mind,it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses.......Although hipsters are technically conformists within their own subculture, in comparison to the much larger mainstream mass, they are pioneers and leaders of the latest cultural trends and ideals. For example, the surge of jeans made to look old and worn (i.e. "distressed"), that have become prevalent at stores such as The Gap, American Eagle, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Hollister, were originally paraded by hipsters who shopped in thrift stores years before such clothing items were mass produced and sold to the mainstream consumer. The true irony here is that many of the detractors of hipster culture are in fact unknowingly following a path that hipsters have carved out years before them. This phenomena also applies to music as well, as many bands have become successful and known to mainstream audiences only because hipsters first found and listened to them as early-adopters of new culture. Once certain concepts of fashion and music have reached mainstream audiences, hipsters move on to something new and improved."
OK, so from this we see that hipsters are distinctive especially in all areas of creativity, it is what they value highly. This results in an influence in all creative fields: art, music, fashion, theater, film, food, and more. There is also a very local/global feel to hipsters. Generally, if you don't know what a hipster is, you probably don't live near a high enough concentration. Hipsters are localists. They exist in neighborhoods, and are usually incredibly tied to their neighborhood - they buy local, travel locally, and get involved in the local community. But yet they are usually very global in attitude; they pay attention to global events, global music, global fashion and other creative fields, eat globally-inspired food, and tend to travel more. They are incredibly local in presence, but global in attitude and interest.
So how do you spot a hipster? Well, that can be a very easy or tricky question. Hipsters are usually cycling through fashion trends, music trends, and other creative trends at a much higher rate than mainstream culture. (generally speaking) Currently, I would say there is a lot of those thick-rimmed glasses, flannel, skinny jeans, side-swiped hair, analog everything from music to cameras to movies, fixies, bikes in general, anything ironic, and generally a scattering of anything and everything. Typeface is important. So are bow ties. I think one of the keys to hipsterdom is that you can get away with just about anything. You don't follow trends, you make them, or you break them. There are no real rules. Breaking the rules is the norm.. following the rules is ironic.. which is again breaking the rules. You do what you want to do. You actually put thought into things and get creative. I think that's why I subscribe to hipster culture. The creativity is electric.
A visual look at a few hipster cultural icons:
This Urban Dictionary definition seemed a good start:
"Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20's and 30's that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter. The greatest concentrations of hipsters can be found living in the Williamsburg, Wicker Park, and Mission District neighborhoods of major cosmopolitan centers such as New York, Chicago, and San Francisco respectively. Although "hipsterism" is really a state of mind,it is also often intertwined with distinct fashion sensibilities. Hipsters reject the culturally-ignorant attitudes of mainstream consumers, and are often be seen wearing vintage and thrift store inspired fashions, tight-fitting jeans, old-school sneakers, and sometimes thick rimmed glasses.......Although hipsters are technically conformists within their own subculture, in comparison to the much larger mainstream mass, they are pioneers and leaders of the latest cultural trends and ideals. For example, the surge of jeans made to look old and worn (i.e. "distressed"), that have become prevalent at stores such as The Gap, American Eagle, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Hollister, were originally paraded by hipsters who shopped in thrift stores years before such clothing items were mass produced and sold to the mainstream consumer. The true irony here is that many of the detractors of hipster culture are in fact unknowingly following a path that hipsters have carved out years before them. This phenomena also applies to music as well, as many bands have become successful and known to mainstream audiences only because hipsters first found and listened to them as early-adopters of new culture. Once certain concepts of fashion and music have reached mainstream audiences, hipsters move on to something new and improved."
OK, so from this we see that hipsters are distinctive especially in all areas of creativity, it is what they value highly. This results in an influence in all creative fields: art, music, fashion, theater, film, food, and more. There is also a very local/global feel to hipsters. Generally, if you don't know what a hipster is, you probably don't live near a high enough concentration. Hipsters are localists. They exist in neighborhoods, and are usually incredibly tied to their neighborhood - they buy local, travel locally, and get involved in the local community. But yet they are usually very global in attitude; they pay attention to global events, global music, global fashion and other creative fields, eat globally-inspired food, and tend to travel more. They are incredibly local in presence, but global in attitude and interest.
So how do you spot a hipster? Well, that can be a very easy or tricky question. Hipsters are usually cycling through fashion trends, music trends, and other creative trends at a much higher rate than mainstream culture. (generally speaking) Currently, I would say there is a lot of those thick-rimmed glasses, flannel, skinny jeans, side-swiped hair, analog everything from music to cameras to movies, fixies, bikes in general, anything ironic, and generally a scattering of anything and everything. Typeface is important. So are bow ties. I think one of the keys to hipsterdom is that you can get away with just about anything. You don't follow trends, you make them, or you break them. There are no real rules. Breaking the rules is the norm.. following the rules is ironic.. which is again breaking the rules. You do what you want to do. You actually put thought into things and get creative. I think that's why I subscribe to hipster culture. The creativity is electric.
A visual look at a few hipster cultural icons:
 |
| generally perfect description of hipsterdom |
 |
| the classic fixie/rolled jeans/stylish hat combo |
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| ..and if fixies have become too mainstream for you, you really go old-school. |
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| Ray-Bans are always classic. at least with hipsters. Corbusier glasses are getting there.... |
 | ||
| ..the eco/humanitarian-conscious shoe...... I even found a 'Hipster Shoes' section on Zazzle... http://www.zazzle.com/hipster+shoes |
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| button-down/bow tie/suspenders/facial hair/styling hat AND ironic tattoo combo. |
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| side-swept hair/plaid/vest/bow tie/thick-rimmed RayBans AND ironic fake mustache combo...and don't forget the emo/judging gaze... |
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| cardigan/skinny rolled jeans/ hat and sunnies combo |
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| possible cardigan and keds inspiration? ...i think so. |
...And finally a brilliant commercial poking fun AND celebrating hipsterdom at the same time. oh the irony....
...what have you noticed about hipster culture?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
_dirty?_
I haven't written in forever, and I do apologize for that. I have written, but it seems my writing desire has recently been stronger in the area of food... though to be honest, baking and cooking haven't happened in quite some time due to my kitchen situation, but that is a topic for another time. Probably for a time when I write on elements of patience and loving (seemingly) crazy people. Anyway, I typically write when I have a passion for it, that is, when something comes to my attention that I really need to write out, or when I am avoiding work at all costs and look to my blog as a distraction. This is the former.
Recently the topic of sex has been all over the place. Yes, I know you probably had one or both of these reactions - 'Why is Angie talking about sex on her blog' and 'Yes, Angie, sex is always all around us. Just look at the media.' Obviously, it is always a prominent issue, but recently it has been much more prominent in slightly different circles, those of close friends and of church. My home church, Hope Community Church, is currently in a series on the Song of Solomon. If you have ever read through it, I'm sure you know it is one of the more scandalous books in the Bible. But Treich and Cor have done an awesome job going through it, looking at people, relationships, dating, marriage, sex, and intimacy in an honest and beautiful light. It is amazingly refreshing. I highly encourage you to check it out.
Something that seems to be a gigantic fissure between Christians and non-Christians is their outlook on sex. It shouldn't be. We are all sexual beings, created that way by a loving God. BUT, non-Christians many times see Christians as anti-sex, and feel that they are extremely judged by Christians especially for their views on sex. Christians seem to view sex as a taboo topic, avoiding it at all costs, or persecute people who have been broken in that area. And I believe all of this is ridiculous.
I think sex is a beautiful gift from God. And yes, I'm going to save it. But it's not for the 'the Bible says it's bad' reason that seems to be prominent in the church. The Bible does not say it is bad. What God created was good. He celebrates it. He wants us to enjoy it and have pleasure from it. But I do believe that we get maximum pleasure when we do have it within a marriage. And honestly, it just makes sense. When you don't have baggage sexually before a marriage, things get a lot wilder and crazier a lot faster after marriage. Sounds good, doesn't it? Now, I also believe that when we do have sexual baggage, when we are broken that way, God can give us incredible healing, can make us new again. There is redemption, even in the messy areas of life. Sometimes I get really sick of Christian culture acting like there are 'big sins' and 'small sins', and the former just never quite get forgiven. False. God has it ALL covered. Fact.
I was recently reading another blog post from someone else on this same topic, and she seemed to have some refreshing views and some curious views all at once. What I liked about her writing was her tell-it-like-it-is nature, which I find refreshing because Christians seem to tip-toe around confusing or controversial topics. I like that she looks into the topic of epic love. The kind of love that sweeps you off your feet, is passionate, and crazy and beautiful. Sometimes I feel like Christians (and others) settle for something that isn't as amazing as it should be. Somehow we aren't worthy of passion or crazy love. Somehow we think that is bad. It's not. The relationship described in Song of Solomon was most definitely passionate and crazy. And it's in the Bible. Who knew?
BUT, so many times, I feel like we can get this mixed up. We use our relationships to fulfill everything, all passion, all the crazy goodness, all the love. But if we do that, we deprive ourselves of true fullness. True fullness comes from God. I know that sounds clichéd perhaps, but it is true. I was just reading Blue Like Jazz finally. And one part about the role of marriage and God and love really stuck out to me.
"Well, maybe I can't say what you think marriage is. Maybe I should say it isn't what I thought it would be. I thought marriage was to be known. And it is; it is to be known. But Danielle can know me only so much; do you know what I mean? ...... And the scary thing about relationships, intimate relationships, is that if someone gets to know us, the us that we usually hide, they might not love us; they might reject us....... I'm saying there is stuff I can't tell her, not because I don't want to, but because there are no words. It's like we are separate people, and there is no getting inside each other to read each other's thoughts, each other's beings. Marriage is amazing because it is the closest two people can get, but they can't get all the way because of absolute knowing. Marriage is the most beautiful thing I have ever dreamed of.... but it isn't everything. It isn't Mecca. Danielle loves everything about me; she accepts me and tolerates me and encourages me. She knows me better than anyone else in the world, but she doesn't know all of me, and I don't know all of her. And I never thought after I got married that there would still be something lacking. I always though marriage, especially after I first met Danielle, would be the ultimate fulfillment. It is great, don't get me wrong, and I am glad I married Danielle, and I will be with her forever. But there are places in our lives that only God can go............ I mean that to be in relationship with God is to be loved purely and ferociously."
I love that. But it is hard to hear at the same time. It is very easy to see marriage as a giant trophy, as something we strive for, date for, look for, hope for. And it is wonderful. But I think when we look at it in the purest way, it is an earthly relationship. It is the closest you can ever get to someone. And that is truly beautiful. But God has an eternal relationship with us, and knows us truly and fully. And to place that giant weight of being truly and fully loved on a mere human, it messes up that relationship. God shows a lot of his love through those relationships, but we can not be full through only that. ...there are places in our lives that only God can go....
So I've learned a lot about relationship and love and sex in the past months. By experience and conversation and listening and reading. But in everything it is true that only God can see my true thoughts, my real worries, my feelings of inadequacy, my feelings of doubt, my hope for love and someone to share life with someday. And God is amazing in that way. A person would go crazy listening to every single thought and worry and crazy element of my life.. but God listens, truly listens, and hears every complaint and worry. And he does not answer back with scolding or mocking or disgust. He answers back with love. Not love the way we understand, but a pure unconditional ferocious love. So when I get confused or frustrated or whatever about the role of sex in our imperfect crazy lives, it helps to remember that God does not think it is something dirty or unforgivable or dirty. It is created by Him, it is important; and at it's core, it is beautiful; now matter what mess we make of it. .
Sunday, February 27, 2011
_random amusement_
So this song amuses me a lot. If it came on the radio (okay.. that would probably only happen in Minnesota), you would probably see me dancing or something. Upbeat and generally amusing. And.. partially ignore the video.. I had no idea what was going on at first. The video is actually playing backwards.. hence why they look like dorks :)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
_those bad everything days_
So if you talked to me during this past week, I may have been extremely distracted. or a bit fidgety. Or a tad sleepy. Or perhaps I would have seemed completely normal, fooling you despite how bad my week really was. BUT, the fascinating thing was, I don't feel horrible about my week.
We all have those days, when everything goes wrong, when everything compounds and just drives us absolutely crazy. That was my day, especially Thursday. And generally, that was my week.
It started with a failure of a cake. This magical vertical-layered cake I was looking forward to baking. I planned it out, made the fondant one night, the icing the next, and then Sunday night I would bake the layers, construct it, and have it ready for Bible study on Monday. Well, the cake part failed. Quite miserably. I should have known it was a fishy-looking recipe. I know a failure in baking doesn't sound like a big deal, but it kind of is for me. Baking is my stress relief. It's when I get a chance to be creative, resourceful, and do something with my hands that has nothing to do with architecture. And giving it to people and making their day a bit brighter makes my heart happy. ..and 95% of the time, it comes out wonderfully. I'm good at it, just because I've practiced a lot. But this cake, this was a failure. The layers came out to be oily dense pancakes. Gross. .. So I used the ganache for a cupcake creation, which was a success. Victory.
Then came a compounded failure of not getting up early, not going to bed early, and not having time to run in the morning. Yes, again it seems normal, but for me it's a big deal. It's my schedule and my comfort. When I'm diligent and stick to my schedule, I get things done, I'm efficient, I rarely forget things, and I just generally do better. When I mess that up, all the structure falls apart.
Then came the giant setback of having a crit from DBell, my professor, the day before the review. The day before. It was a necessary crit, but really, I would have killed to have it during the weekend. So all of that work I had taken the last 6 days to do, I had to do over plus more in less than 24 hours. So, and all-nighter followed, which was not in the plan. I specifically had planned my entire past week so I would not have to pull an all-nighter.
Then came the day of the review. My plots did not print. When they did, my 22x34 in plots came out to around 3x5 on the giant white page. And I planned ahead and printed at 6:00 am for a 2:00 review. I never got 3 to print correctly, so I posted on 11x17 and pinned up my messy disgrace for a project in the gallery. Later failures included forgetting things in my room, spilling my coffee, breaking my favorite belt, tripping, etc. etc. I thought for sure the day would continue, and this review would go horribly.
Surprise! It didn't. Not in the slightest. My project was chosen as one of the top projects. What I thought was a disgrace for boards turned out to be not so bad. My so-so drawing was claimed to be one of the best. My project was chosen as one with great potential. .....WHAT?! .. I most definitely expected that review to go 5000x worse.
Now, the bad stuff didn't stop there. The next day I woke up 15 minutes before a test that I was going to study for more that morning. I forgot my purse somewhere. I left my dorm room door open and unlocked for around 4 hours. I almost couldn't access my dorm building at 11:30 at night. But I'm fine. There was a lot of good stuff in this week, despite all the bad. A huge part of it was God. Yes, I know, it's clichéd but truly, he was the constant in a sea of crazy. I have these truths to hold onto:
''For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you.'' Jeremiah 29:11-13.
''Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:22-26
I know these are quoted 5 billion times over. But really look at the words. God has plans for you. Specifically tailored to all the good and bad and crazy in your life. That's pretty radical. That means that every little thing is designed for a greater purpose. I'm an archie. I design things. It takes effort to design things. It takes an intense amount of thought and focus and deliberation to truly design. And yet, God designed our lives. Wow. Also.. we can't add hours to our lives. Duh. I know, we try to glop cream to our faces and drink antioxidants to make us look and feel younger, but we physically cannot actually add an hour to our lives. .. So why worry? What does it get us? And the one verse is probably one of my favorite in all of the Bible. ''And how much more valuable you are than birds!'' I know, strange verse to love. But when you look at nature, and the birds and the bees and the bugs.. they are busy, living, and seem pretty fine with their lives. And we stress about so much. I don't think birds stress out. They simply live. God takes care of them. Everything is provided, everything is taken care of. And yet how much more valuable are we. Beautiful. How much more will things be provided for us? How much more should we truly live? So when life is crazy, things are hectic and I just want to sleep rather than face the next failure, I try my hardest to remember that. Because it's true.
.... And things could always be worse. One song came to mind this week, and honestly made things a lot better. Atmosphere's song, 'Best Day' tells of the worst things happening, yet still living life and working through it. I do not in any way endorse all of this song, but generally I love it, the beat and the perspective of the lyrics. Not all rap has to be crap.
I had a rough day, but that's life, it happens
Woke up on a dark side of my mattress
I guess I forgot to set my clock
Overslept, almost lost the job
Then to top it off, I'm kinda hungry
But can't eat till I find my money
It's in my wallet but my wallet ain't in my pocket
Can't remember the last time I saw it
And they don't want me in a bad mood
Afraid that it'll spread and everyone will catch an attitude
They got 'em all singing the same tune
Thinking I should go and start a fire in the break room
Co-workers make me sick
and the manager really ain't ----
But I can't quit, so I'm hiding in the basement
Holding onto to my face like ---- this place
[Chorus: 2X]
Every day can't be the best day
Do what you can right now, don't hesitate
That's why we try to make love and get paid
Take the bad with the good, now let's play
We all have those days, when everything goes wrong, when everything compounds and just drives us absolutely crazy. That was my day, especially Thursday. And generally, that was my week.
It started with a failure of a cake. This magical vertical-layered cake I was looking forward to baking. I planned it out, made the fondant one night, the icing the next, and then Sunday night I would bake the layers, construct it, and have it ready for Bible study on Monday. Well, the cake part failed. Quite miserably. I should have known it was a fishy-looking recipe. I know a failure in baking doesn't sound like a big deal, but it kind of is for me. Baking is my stress relief. It's when I get a chance to be creative, resourceful, and do something with my hands that has nothing to do with architecture. And giving it to people and making their day a bit brighter makes my heart happy. ..and 95% of the time, it comes out wonderfully. I'm good at it, just because I've practiced a lot. But this cake, this was a failure. The layers came out to be oily dense pancakes. Gross. .. So I used the ganache for a cupcake creation, which was a success. Victory.
Then came a compounded failure of not getting up early, not going to bed early, and not having time to run in the morning. Yes, again it seems normal, but for me it's a big deal. It's my schedule and my comfort. When I'm diligent and stick to my schedule, I get things done, I'm efficient, I rarely forget things, and I just generally do better. When I mess that up, all the structure falls apart.
Then came the giant setback of having a crit from DBell, my professor, the day before the review. The day before. It was a necessary crit, but really, I would have killed to have it during the weekend. So all of that work I had taken the last 6 days to do, I had to do over plus more in less than 24 hours. So, and all-nighter followed, which was not in the plan. I specifically had planned my entire past week so I would not have to pull an all-nighter.
Then came the day of the review. My plots did not print. When they did, my 22x34 in plots came out to around 3x5 on the giant white page. And I planned ahead and printed at 6:00 am for a 2:00 review. I never got 3 to print correctly, so I posted on 11x17 and pinned up my messy disgrace for a project in the gallery. Later failures included forgetting things in my room, spilling my coffee, breaking my favorite belt, tripping, etc. etc. I thought for sure the day would continue, and this review would go horribly.
Surprise! It didn't. Not in the slightest. My project was chosen as one of the top projects. What I thought was a disgrace for boards turned out to be not so bad. My so-so drawing was claimed to be one of the best. My project was chosen as one with great potential. .....WHAT?! .. I most definitely expected that review to go 5000x worse.
Now, the bad stuff didn't stop there. The next day I woke up 15 minutes before a test that I was going to study for more that morning. I forgot my purse somewhere. I left my dorm room door open and unlocked for around 4 hours. I almost couldn't access my dorm building at 11:30 at night. But I'm fine. There was a lot of good stuff in this week, despite all the bad. A huge part of it was God. Yes, I know, it's clichéd but truly, he was the constant in a sea of crazy. I have these truths to hold onto:
''For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you.'' Jeremiah 29:11-13.
''Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:22-26
I know these are quoted 5 billion times over. But really look at the words. God has plans for you. Specifically tailored to all the good and bad and crazy in your life. That's pretty radical. That means that every little thing is designed for a greater purpose. I'm an archie. I design things. It takes effort to design things. It takes an intense amount of thought and focus and deliberation to truly design. And yet, God designed our lives. Wow. Also.. we can't add hours to our lives. Duh. I know, we try to glop cream to our faces and drink antioxidants to make us look and feel younger, but we physically cannot actually add an hour to our lives. .. So why worry? What does it get us? And the one verse is probably one of my favorite in all of the Bible. ''And how much more valuable you are than birds!'' I know, strange verse to love. But when you look at nature, and the birds and the bees and the bugs.. they are busy, living, and seem pretty fine with their lives. And we stress about so much. I don't think birds stress out. They simply live. God takes care of them. Everything is provided, everything is taken care of. And yet how much more valuable are we. Beautiful. How much more will things be provided for us? How much more should we truly live? So when life is crazy, things are hectic and I just want to sleep rather than face the next failure, I try my hardest to remember that. Because it's true.
.... And things could always be worse. One song came to mind this week, and honestly made things a lot better. Atmosphere's song, 'Best Day' tells of the worst things happening, yet still living life and working through it. I do not in any way endorse all of this song, but generally I love it, the beat and the perspective of the lyrics. Not all rap has to be crap.
I had a rough day, but that's life, it happens
Woke up on a dark side of my mattress
I guess I forgot to set my clock
Overslept, almost lost the job
Then to top it off, I'm kinda hungry
But can't eat till I find my money
It's in my wallet but my wallet ain't in my pocket
Can't remember the last time I saw it
And they don't want me in a bad mood
Afraid that it'll spread and everyone will catch an attitude
They got 'em all singing the same tune
Thinking I should go and start a fire in the break room
Co-workers make me sick
and the manager really ain't ----
But I can't quit, so I'm hiding in the basement
Holding onto to my face like ---- this place
[Chorus: 2X]
Every day can't be the best day
Do what you can right now, don't hesitate
That's why we try to make love and get paid
Take the bad with the good, now let's play
..... ......................................
Can't dance with an upset stomach
The overdraft notices just kept coming
Somebody broke into the porch and stole a chair
Top of your head stopped growing hair
Broken glass, computer crashed
The car won't start and the tires went flat
Dog got loose, brought back a dead cat
Daughter found it and had a panic attack
Plus you ain't had sex in how long?
Afraid to admit that the fire's all gone
The better half is talking about separating
You wish you could take it back to yesterday
You not alone, it's hard as hell
But don't waste no time feeling sorry for self
We'll be right here with you through your war
Cause you're the one that we make this music for
Now turn it up
The overdraft notices just kept coming
Somebody broke into the porch and stole a chair
Top of your head stopped growing hair
Broken glass, computer crashed
The car won't start and the tires went flat
Dog got loose, brought back a dead cat
Daughter found it and had a panic attack
Plus you ain't had sex in how long?
Afraid to admit that the fire's all gone
The better half is talking about separating
You wish you could take it back to yesterday
You not alone, it's hard as hell
But don't waste no time feeling sorry for self
We'll be right here with you through your war
Cause you're the one that we make this music for
Now turn it up
(this isn't the whole song, but this post is long enough! )
...and I'm so glad my day was not as bad as his. It's all relative, and all workable :)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
_wise words_
My dad is brilliant.
No, he is not some crazy rocket scientist, he is not a giant businessman, he is not a movie star, pastor, chef, or engineer. He builds furniture. But that is not who he is. He is a person who so remarkably loves God, loves my mom, my sister, and me, and loves people. I'm pretty sure everyone who knows him picks up on this pretty fast. He is wise, funny, patient, and so many other things. Eventually I will post on the importance of a Dad, but for now I will just share a bit of wisdom I received from him this Valentines Day.
I got a package a few days after V-Day, containing a towel (yay!), a couple books I forgot, a bracelet (which I adore), and a note and some gum from my dad. The note was written on grid paper, from the notepad with my dad's business name and address on it. The familiar ALL CAPS writing is of instant comfort for me. But the simplicity and truth of the last words is what really got me,
''Keep doing it all for Jesus, and all will be fine.''
Love,
Dad
How true. I love you Dad.
No, he is not some crazy rocket scientist, he is not a giant businessman, he is not a movie star, pastor, chef, or engineer. He builds furniture. But that is not who he is. He is a person who so remarkably loves God, loves my mom, my sister, and me, and loves people. I'm pretty sure everyone who knows him picks up on this pretty fast. He is wise, funny, patient, and so many other things. Eventually I will post on the importance of a Dad, but for now I will just share a bit of wisdom I received from him this Valentines Day.
I got a package a few days after V-Day, containing a towel (yay!), a couple books I forgot, a bracelet (which I adore), and a note and some gum from my dad. The note was written on grid paper, from the notepad with my dad's business name and address on it. The familiar ALL CAPS writing is of instant comfort for me. But the simplicity and truth of the last words is what really got me,
''Keep doing it all for Jesus, and all will be fine.''
Love,
Dad
How true. I love you Dad.
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